Tuesday, March 30, 2010

OPRAH'S NO PHONE ZONE PLEDGE....PLEASE READ!!!!!!

So everyone that knows me will tell you that one of my biggest hero's in the world is Oprah. I've been following and watching her show for over ten years and her story of how she came to be who she is today is in my eyes one of the most inspirational stories in the world. Being ranked year after year as one of the richest African American of the 20th Century, once even being documented as the world's only African American billionaire and even today still is considered to be the greatest and most successful black philanthropist in American history.

So when Oprah started the "No Phone Zone" movement it was no surprise to me when millions and millions of people started to come forward in agreement with signing the "No Phone Zone" Pledge promising that they'd support the movement 100% and not talk or text on cell phones while driving. After all Oprah is probably the world's most influential woman--at least to me she is. :)

I know personally that when I drive by or read a local headline of a care horrific car accident and the first thing that pops into my head at that moment is "Oh lord, I hope there weren't any kids in those cars." Of course my hope is that all those involved survived and/or walked away unharmed but the thought of the possibility of an innocent child's life being cut short because of someone's careless driving starts to fuel every single bone and fiber in my body until it feels like I'm going to burst into flames at any given moment.

Monday, March 29, 2010

My Princess

My Princess Isabella


By: Jessica Fernandez

Written: October 7, 2009


My princess Isabella so beautiful and sweet

The excitement and joy at the sound of your heart beat

You arrived at the most perfect time in my life

As your existence ended my wild nightlife


The morning you were born was a hot, musty day

A great way to start a great Sunday

When the moment arrived to hold you in my arms

My mother instincts kicked in like a charm


For the moment you looked up at me with your beautiful brown eyes

Your quick smirk and smile just took me by surprise

I knew at that moment that my life has forever changed

It seemed so natural and not so strange


You are my princess, my life and joy

Just watching you sleep was a scene to enjoy

I love you more than the moon and stars in the sky

That is why it was so easy to kiss my old, crazy life goodbye

Friday, March 26, 2010

Courier News Article Update!!!

I am so happy to post that an article about me and my project, "Real World of Single-Parenthood" was publilshed by one of the best  local newspapers in Somerset County: The Courier News. I have inserted the link below for those of you who have not yet read the article. For those of you who have: thank you for taking the time to learn more about me, my project and for all the nice notes and emails of support. It means so much to me. :)

If ony you knew how excited Isabella and I are.....she was so proud of her mommy that she insisted on having me print out the article so she could bring it to school to show her friends and teachers. :)  Nothing makes me feel better then to know my little girl is proud of me and hope that as she grows older she'll use my experience of not giving up on my dreams and goals to pursue her own no matter what her dreams are. Isabella, mommy loves you!

I also want to thank the Courier News for allowing me to spread the word on my special project using their creditable newspaper and for allowing the article to be posted on their website as I am determined to increase the ears that will listen to the mouths of struggling working single parents and the need for more available support.


Click on link below to view article posted on "The Courier News":

http://www.mycentraljersey.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/201003231205/GETPUBLISHED/3230328

To all wonderful single parents out there: You are beautiful, powerful and deserving of all good that life has to offer. Together lets take a stand to increase awareness on the need for more support and assistance for working single parents. Join my blog, post your thoughts and send me your stories! We would love to hear from you. Also join my Fan Page on facebook at "Support Launch of Real World of Single Parenthood....NJ"  The more supportive followers will increase my chances for landing an advice/support column that I am currently working for single parents.

***Oh and check out the new and improved website listed below. Lot of new info about the development of the reality series project has been added.

Jessica Fernandez
Single Mom & Believer in Miracles
E: jessica@worldofsingleparenthood.com
Web: http://www.worldofsingleparenthood.com/

A Special "Thank You" to Risa Barash and Fairy Tales Hair Care Company

Thank you Risa and Fairy Tales Hair Care for choosing me as your "Networking Mom" for the month and for helping me spread the word on the launch of "Real world of Single-Parenthood....NJ" and my single mom blog. It was an honor to be included in your newsletter.

For those of you who want to check it out visit: http://www.fairytaleshaircare.com/ and sign up for their monthly newsletter. They sell great all natural hair products for kids that I have used for my daughter....their Rosmary Repel Conditioner is our fav...love the smell. :) Thanks again Risa!

Jessica Fernandez
Single Mom & Believer in Miracles

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Article Submited to Courier Newspaper-Tell me what you think?????

**Below is the article submitted to the courier newspaper today. I'm so excited...wish me luck!!!

I am also in the process of starting a single mom advice column and am trying to find an newspaper who would be willing to start one. I think it would be a great addition to any newspaper as it would be something different from other news papers and it would be a way for single moms to get the support and advice they need. I'll keep you posted! :)


Article Title:  Single Mom of Bridgewater Township Set to Launch Reality Series


Article Subject: Bridgewater Resident sets heart on launching reality series that will document the lives of five inspirational, entertaining and motivational single parents, including herself, in the Garden State of New Jersey for the first time on television.


Jessica Fernandez isn’t just an ordinary 27-year old single mom who works full time and raising a six year old daughter on her own. She is a powerful single mom with big dreams who is determined to pursue her life-long desire to become a credited producer, creator, published best-selling author, entrepreneur and actress with full force and use her success to make a difference in the lives of struggling single moms everywhere and increase the ears that will listen to their voices.

“There are so many struggling single parents out there who have great ideas, talents and the ability to do great things and want to be heard and given a chance but there are never enough people who would listen and give them a chance. This leads to many single parents leading lives that they are unhappy with and their children grow up watching their mom or dad struggle consistently, and that’s a problem. I am determined to change that and not only increase the power of their voices to be heard but to build an organization that will provide temporary assistance to struggling single moms despite their income—assistance based solely on each one parent families current situation.”

Nowadays getting any type of government, healthcare or day care assistance most likely means living on welfare, a government service that encourages everyone to become independent and build a life where they can support themselves and their families on their own and provides assistance to those who are earning below standard income. They provide good assistance but have a very strict standard as to who would qualify and how much is given. New Jersey is one of the most expensive states in the U.S.A. and taxes are increasing like crazy each year even though the unemployment rates have never been this high.

A working single mom most likely wouldn’t be eligible for any type of government assistance just because they are a working citizen. No one thinks about the increasing expense of daycare which can cost up to $1,000 or more a month per child and how that affects the income they bring home. There are numerous non-profit programs they can turn to but most of long waiting lists and strict income standards too due to limited funding. Jessica has been through her own share of struggles financially which she documents freely on her blog at http://therealworldofsingle-parenthood.blogspot.com/, which started out as a way to document the launch of her reality series to keep those who support her in the loop during the development process. But it ended up being a place where she could also go and vent about the current challenges and hardships in her life that she knows other single parent deals with. So now she continues to blog about both her television project and whatever else is on her mind and hopes to build a community where single parents can come together and support one another.

Jessica came up with this reality series concept over a year ago when she started to notice how reality shows in all different genres was starting to take over television. After dealing with an unexpected pregnancy and left to deal with the responsibilities of raising a child on her own, she became inspired by her own struggles, pain and challenges and arrived at the conclusion that it was time to take a stand for her-self and start taking control of her own life instead of letting it control her. Jessica’s reality series is currently in development as she has teamed up with a production company in Northern New Jersey and taping for the first episode is set for June 2010!

Read below on what Jessica has to say in regards to what inspired her to launch this television project.

"All my life I've had all of these dreams and goals that I wanted to accomplish. My dream growing up was to become an actress, singing artist and a big desire to create and do something big one day; something that would change the world in some way and make a difference. As I grew older I developed an interest in creative writing and spent a lot of my teen and young adult years writing stories, poems and even songs in journals. Writing then became a way for me to get through my darkest moments and express my feelings and thoughts openly without being judged or put down.


So when the idea for this reality concept popped into my head one day while watching one of the episodes of the "Housewives of Orange of County", I felt a strong urge of not just wanting but needing to take the idea even further. I began writing about my ideas in my journal and the more I wrote about the idea the bigger the desire grew. But when I thought about how I had no idea how to launch a reality series nor did I have any connections to the industry or knew anyone who did, the idea just drifted to the back of my mind and I continued my daily routine of working 8-4:30PM and taking classes to finish my B.A. Degree in Paralegal studies.


After months the idea still stuck and the desire to take the idea further took over my mind. I began to think about how many single parents are out there that have been or are going through the same struggles and challenges I had and how some are going through much worse things I'm sure. I started doing some research online and networking and began to be amazed by the opportunities and resources that started coming my way almost effortlessly. Within six months I had added a whole list of entertainment and media contacts to the ones I already had who were willing to use their connections and expertise to help me make my dreams come true.


With the divorce and unemployment rates increasing in one of the world's toughest economy's it's evident that the rate of one-parent families are going to continue to increase, thus making this a reality series many viewers would be able to relate to hopefully on more than one level. One of my newest goals is to start my own organization in New Jersey that will provide temporary assistance to single parents regardless of their income and based solely on their current situation. Why? Because I've been there and know what its' like to feel so helpless and stuck and because I know what it's like to be surrounded by happy families and feel like an outcast because you're one parent playing the role of two parents and because I know what it's like to feel alone and like no one around you understands what you are going through.


So my biggest inspiration behind developing this project is not only my desire to build a better future for my daughter and for myself but to honor all beautiful, strong, and great single parents out there who deserve all the gold medals that money can buy. Because raising a family is the world's most rewarding and hardest job but when you are forced to do it alone it becomes 10x harder.”

To learn more about Creator & Writer Jessica Fernandez and her reality-series based project currently titled “Real World of Single-Parenthood…New Jersey” that’s currently in development, to set-up a possible interview or casting information visit http://www.worldofsingleparenthood.com/.

**Let me know what you guys think?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

CASTING FOR SINGLE PARENT REALITY SERIES!!!!! INFO BELOW.....

HI EVERYONE,

****I WANT TO START BY THANKING EVERYONE FOR SHOWING ME SO MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS. TRAFFIC TO MY WEBSITE HAS BEEN INCREASING ON A DAILY BASIS LIKE CRAZY AND EVERYONE HAS BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE IN HELPING ME SPREAD THE WORD. I'M SO BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH GREAT FAMILY, CLOSE FRIENDS. THIS SHOW ISN'T JUST ABOUT THE FAME AND MONEY TO ME. IT'S ABOUT MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIVES OF SINGLE PARENTS EVERYWHERE.  SO FOR THOSE WHO HAVE HELPED IN ANY WAY...EVEN IF IT WAS JUST LENDING A SHOULDER TO CRY ON DURING THE TIMES WHERE I FELT THE FUSTRATIONS AND DISAPPOINTMENTS THAT EVERYONE GOES THRU AT SOME POINT IN THEIR OWN BUSINESS VENTURES....JUST KNOW IT REALLY HAS MADE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE. THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!******

HERE IS THE OFFICIAL PITCH FOR THE SHOW:

"Take a break from watching the lives of indulged, wealthy housewives as we meet five ordinary, middle-class parents from New Jersey who are brought together for the first time in this reality-based series to share their life stories as they embark on a journey of self- discovery, while hopefully developing long-lasting friendships and dealing with daily challenges that comes with raising a family on your own. “




CASTING INFO:

WRITER/CREATOR JESSICA FERNANDEZ ALONG WITH LONG SHOT PRODUCTIONS LLC ARE NOW CASTING FOR TWO SINGLE MOMS, ONE SINGLE DAD AND ONE SINGLE GAY DAD IN THE CENTRAL NJ AND SURROUNDING AREA

IF YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN OTHER SINGLE PARENTS LIVES BY SHARING YOUR STORY AND ARE NOT CAMERA SHY PLEASE CONTINUE READING.

We are looking for middle-class single parents that are fun, energetic, outgoing, motivated, unique personalities, not camera shy and determined to build a better future for themselves and their families despite the challenges of having to raise a child or children on their own. We are looking for both individuals who have either reached already reached success after a long struggle and after going thru many obstacles and hurdles to get to where they are or are in the process of working towards their goals while dealing with issues and challenges that come with being a single parent.

Below are the types of single parents we are hoping to cast per a discussion in a recent business development meeting as our goal is to document the lives of single parents from different backgrounds so we can hopefully connect with viewers on all levels.


  •  Single parents between the ages of 24-35

  • An African American single mom

  • A single mom who shares split custody with ex-spouse or partner

  • A single father who either has split, shared or full custody

  • single mom who is juggling school, family, work or career

  • single parent entrepreneurs

  • Must be willing to submit to any drug testing, background checks and be able to provide references
**If you don't fit any of the descriptions above and still feel you have what it takes to be part of this great project please don't hesitate from applying. We are open to exploring different types of personalities from all walks of life but  won't consider anyone who isn't at least working towards making a positve change in their lives and in the lives of their children. If your applying just for the chance to be on television and for an easy way to get into the entertainment businsess then don't bother on sending your info as we will be taking our casting process very seriously.
**There will be two very extensive interviews since we want to ensure we chose the right personalities for the show and that individuals being considered are not applying for the wrong reasons. (More detailed info will follow once we get closer to that stage.)





This casting is for a show that documents the lives of real single parents living in the real world during this touch economy.
**Single parents must be open to exploring new things and feel comfortable with sharing every aspect of their lives on camera.


Below are the short bios of single moms already casted  or in final review for consideration for a spot on the show:



Jessica Fernandez:

 A 27-year-old single mom from Bridgewater, NJ, who at age 20 dealt with an unexpected pregnancy and has raised her daughter with the help of family and continued to pursue her studies in pre-law while working full-time for a Pharmaceutical Medical Communications Company up until late October 2009 as a project coordinator.

Her dream of breaking into the entertainment industry as a successful writer/producer, actress and entrepreneur has never disappeared and hopes that one day is given the opportunity to make that dream a reality. In the process of finishing up her first novel and has also has admitted to having a secret desire to make it as a singing artist but has lacked the confidence to puruse those desires due to past self-esteem issues but is ready to overcome that hurdle and start living the life she was meant to live and deserves.

After 4 years of mending a broken heart and dealing with a tragic unexpected  death friend of a close friend she's tired of hiding behind a wall with fears of getting hurt again and hiding the guilt, anger and pain that came from her friend's death, she has come to the realization that life is too short to keep living in the past and is willing to open herself up again and give love another try after doing alot of soul searching and is opening up to the idea of taking advantage of her any new adventures and opportunities that come her way and hopefully finding the soulmate who she could settle down with along the way.

She's become very hungry for success and is determined to prove to all those who have doubted her abilities to accomplish her dreams by reaching that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and use her gained success to make a difference and will stop at nothing to get it! A big believer in everyone having the ability to create the lives of their dreams and hopes that by sharing her story with the world and allowing viewers to follow her journey to success and hopefully inspire other single parents everywhere to create their own life of their dreams.



Jessica’s favorite hobbies are shopping, (weakness for designer shoes and handbags!!) dancing, reading (especially self-help books on the law of attraction), and writing, spending time with family and friends, and just being a mom.  She loves to state her opinions and thoughts openly and is known by all friends and family for being a nurturer wanting to take care of everyone, funny, very loving, giving and for being a great listener and person to go to for advice because of her open mind, big heart, and because she keeps it real with you whether you’re ready to hear it or not. But be warned….when that Puerto Rican temper attitude emerges, she is no one to be reckoned with.


"I've spent the last six years hiding from the world trying to protect myself from getting hurt again and realized how my present consisted of living in my past and lacking self-worth and confidence. It took me all these years and alot of soul searching to realize that the past events were all part of my life journey and part of who I was to become in the future. We have no control over change but have the ability to control what direction to take. Either a positve or negative path. Nothing good can come from taking a negative path....it just all started to make sense to me. Like what Oprah says, "This was one of the aha moments for me...."


"There are countless inspirational rags to riches stories and countless others of single parents around the world who have reached success despite their challenges of being a single parent and then there are those individuals who came from a single parent home and accomplished great things. Then you have those single parents who get lost in their struggles and lose confidence in what they had dreamed of doing. and spend their lives struggling and unhappy.


 My vision for this show is to create a television reality series that all single moms out there can relate to on some level and to show those single parents who lack confidence and self worth that anything is possible if you believe in your dreams and that they're not alone in their struggles. This will be the first series that will focus soley on the lives of single parents so I'm very blessed and excited to be part of such a great project."




IF AFTER READING THE ABOVE INFO YOU FEEL YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A PART OF A GREAT TELEVISION PROJECT THEN PLEASE SEND A SHORT BIO EXPLAINING YOUR STORY ON HOW YOU BECAME A SINGLE MOM AND ABOUT YOUR PRESENT LIFE. TELL US ABOUT YOUR FUTURE INSPIRATIONS, GOALS AND DREAMS AND WHAT ACTION YOU ARE CURRENTLY TAKING TO REACH THOSE GOALS. ALSO INCLUDE A STATEMENT TELLING US WHY YOU FEEL WE SHOULD CAST YOU FOR A SPOT ON THE SHOW ALONG WITH A 4 X6 PICTURE OF YOU AND FAMILY.  SEND ALL INFO TO:


**Any questions and inquiries can also be sent to this email address or by filling out the contact form on the website under the "contact us" tab**

FEEL FREE TO EXPLORE THE PROJECT WEBSITE:



Good luck and looking forward to receiving and reading your profiles!!

"Take the first step in faith, You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Martin Luther King Jr. "

Saturday, March 13, 2010

In Loving Memory of Heather Marchie, Angelina and Tubal Jr.














To my dear friend Heather:


By: Jessica Fernandez





My dearest friend Heather I love you so much

All our memories are still close to my heart

Our hugs were your most common touch

To all those you loved and cared so deeply about

You lived with your strong faith without ever a doubt



Your two little children were so sweet and kind

You were a good friend, daughter and mother combined

There is not a day that goes by that you are not on my mind

I sometimes wished more then anything that I wasn’t left behind

For these are just thoughts that have flowed through me in hard times

I just hope God doesn’t think of it as a crime



My heart was so broken because of the way you went

The anger within starts rising with so much anger and regret

If only I knew just how bad it could get

Just the thoughts in my head and the tears on my face have me wet

The thoughts in my head of what could have been;

form the tears on my face as I sit here and weep

You were so hopeful and calm when all things were wrong

But that never stopped you from staying so strong

But that never stopped you from moving along

Your guiding faith is what made you so strong



I miss your calming voice and that sweet natural scent

You’re clear green eyes and those light freckled cheeks

Why is this so painful? Is it because it’s only been a few weeks?

The thought of time passing without you around

I need to find a way to just calm myself down



The two-hour phone calls and play dates at the park

Our best memories are implanted forever in my heart

For there is nothing that would tear our sweet friendship apart

Even in death you are still a strong part of me

And will continue to be so for all of eternity



I love you my dear friend Heather

My sweet princess feather

For in my heart it’s believed I will see you again

I only have one special request for you until then

That when it is my time to go that you’ll come get me yourself

And take me to the new place we will both call home.











MISSING MY FRIEND HEATHER AND HER TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN WHO NOW ARE IN A WONDERFUL PLACE CALLED "HEAVEN".

I woke up this morning like any other Saturday. At 10 am, three hours after my usual weekly wake up time. It's something I look forward too since every other day my day starts at 7 am. Usually I wake up feeling good and refreshed but the first emotion that sprang into action the moment my eyes opened was sadness in knowing that today marks the third year anniversary of the passing of my friend and her two beautiful children. She was one of the best person's I've ever known and it's been such a struggle for me the past few years to accept what happened and that for the rest of my life I'm going to feel like a part of me is missing. Heather became such a big part of my life in the sense that she taught me the importance of having patience and faith during the tough times.

Watching her struggle every single day raising those three kids on her own while dealing with a partner who was lost in his own world of drugs and alchohol abuse and dealing with his constant betrayals and lies was enough to drive anyone insane. But not my friend Heather, because she knew life was worth living no matter what her circumstances because of the three children god blessed her life with. She refused to let all those struggles bring her down and fought with every bone and fiber in her body until the end because to her it was all about her kids and she refused to give up on fighting for the freedom, happiness, peace, love and abundanc her and her children deservered. She used to always talk about the future in such a postive way and even though her current struggles were wearing her down affecting her confidence, self worth and even health she never gave up hope that one day she was going to reach that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow where the life she always dreamed of waited for her. I remember listening to her and wondering how could she still have all this hope and faith and have all these set goals for herself with everythign she's going thru. But I know now that its ' those very dreams, goals and never ending faith that kept her alive and sane for so long. It's how she got thru the day and it was her love for her children that kept those dreams and goals alive. She never stopped believing that there was a reason why god was putting her through all this. She knew her life had a purpose and meaning but she just didn't know what it was. She never demanded to know the answers because she knew when the time was right the answers will come.

Heather was such a beautiful person inside and out and had one of the warmest and giving heart of anyone I knew. Despite her struggles she always went out of her way to help others and was always worried about a friend or family even during the darkest moments in her life. I remember when her and I both applied for financial for the scholarship program  at the YMCA at the same time. We actually filled out the apps together because I had planned to take a trip the next day since I had off from work to hand in the applications since Heather was working both her jobs that day adn wouldnt have the time to drop it off. Both of us making the same income I figured the chances of me getting assistance before she did were slim. She obviously was in more need then I was. She had three children, two of them younger then five. she was desperate to find a way to afford daycare so she could stop worrying about whether he was going to come home and be able to watch the kids during the day so she could work. she was the main bread winner of the household and since he hardly worked because he couldn't keep a job for longer then a few months because of his behavior, she had no choice but to depend on him to watch the kids during the day.  When the scholarship letter came back mine was approved and hers was denied I remember thinking how could they deny someone who was in much more need then me. Same income but bigger family to support. I just couldn't understand it and even though I was grateful for the assistance becuase it helped me a great deal I felt such guilt in knowing I got the help I needed anad she didn't . Even despite that she didn't give up and continued to fill out the scholarship application every time they took new ones. She believed that if her difficult situation continued that somehow she was going to find the help she needed if she didn't give up. I would of never had the strength to continue moving forward the way she did.

I'll never forget a time when I was going thru a very difficult time with my daughter's father just finding out that the whole time he was with me he had a nother girlfirend who he was commited to marrying in Costa Rica waiting for him out there. This was after he had returned after Bella was born claiming how he wanted to make it work and make up for leaving me to deal with the pregnancy alone all this months. Once again he had me fooled and upon discovering the truth the devastation and shock that came with it felt like one of the darkest moments of my life where I felt it was the end for me because it just couldn't get any worse at that point. I was dealing with post partum depression and felt at every given moment i was going to break. I remember her being the first one I called and when she picked up she was driving around a very bad neighborhood in Plainfield looking for her partner who had disapeared for a few days so she could go to work the next day and not get fired.

She had been using vacation time to stay home with the kids. Supporting a family of four on an income making less then $40,000 a year wasn't easy and didn't leave much for being able to pay for daycare or babysitter expeneses. She couldl barely afford any gas as it was. And here she was wasting miles of gas looking for someone who was probably holed up somewhere indulging in one of his many drug binges or out partying frolicking with other women when his family needed him. when he should of been looking for a job after recently being fired for never showing up to work. It was devastating to hear her driving around in such a bad area at 10pm at night with her three children in tow looking for a man who didn't deserve to have the great family he had. Not wanting her to bother her with my problems because she obviously she a problem of her own I decided not to even bring it up and stayed on the phone with her refusing to get off until I knew she was back home safe.

During that two hour phone call IDK if she just had this gift of sensing or she knew me well enough to know by the sound of my voice when something was wrong. I believe honstly it was both. She automtacially went into concern friend and nuturing mode and plaqued me with questions until I gave in and told her what had happened. I was in such emotional turmoil and I hated talking bout my problems when she had bigger ones of her own. Because I knew that no matter what happened with my situation I'd be okay because I had such a supportive family. She spent the last hour or so on the phone listening to me and being the supportive and caring friend she was ensuring that it happned the way it did for a reason and that at the end I'll come out on top because I was the good person in it all. She taught me the importance of faith and trusting that God puts us thru ordeals and events to prepare us for the future and that only way that future won't end up somewhere good was if we changed our destiny by choosing the negative path in life. It was her who opened up my eyes and made me realize that we have the power to create the things we want in life and that we're are in control of our own destiny. Looking back I remember how death wasn't something Heather was afraid of because she believed no matter what happened she would end up somewhere good and how if that was the destiny that was meant for her that she was going to accept it. I hated hearing that of course especially someone who feared death the way I did. Which is why I can't help to wonder if somehow Heather knew that her time here on earth was limited and that her destiny might involve doing great things from above. Whenever she prayed for a way out she was never specific on how she wanted her way out to be. She put her total faith in God and trusted that where ever she ended up it would be someplace that will lead to the happiness, peace, love and freedom she deservered. Heather was the type of person who despite what she was going thru in her life she'd drop it all in a instant to be there for a friend or family member. I loved her so much for that and would never forget how shed always go out of the way to be the friend I needed even during the toughest times in her life. Sometimes I can't help to think, If only I had the strength she did I keep thinking if some of the worst times of my life could of been avoided. But I know that the past is the past and the present should only consist of thoughts of our future and how we want it to be. Nothing good can come from thinking about the negative events in the past and like time on a clock or dates in a year once its done and over with its done for good and there should be no looking back. So my biggest challenge now is working on moving forward with my life without letting my past interfere with my future. To only use my past to help me see how far I've come and increase my self worth. It's a working progress but its a goal I'm workiing on and hope to achieve in the near future.

Everyday people die of accident and violence, everyday we hear another family hearing the devastating news of a child, brother, sister, friend, father or mother dying in Iraq fighting for our country, everyday a family gets devastating news of a sickness or illness diagnoses. Here this man had a beautiful family of three small children who loved him dearly despite what they were putting their mother thru. All being healthy and smart. Instead of being so grateful for the wonderful gifts god has given him and doing what a father and loving partner should do and fight to build a better life for his family and being thankful for his own life he was wasting away in a dark hole that would never lead to anywhere good. This was a man who had the ability to do great things if he put his mind to it because he was a smart man and when he wasn't high on drugs or drunk he showed his good heart and had the ability to love his family and appreciate having such a good woman in his life. But he let substance abuse take over his life for whatever reason and little by little I had to watch him drag Heather and his family down with him while she fought against it with all she had. She wanted to save him, she wanted her kids to grow up with a father who was healthy and loving and she wanted the man she fell in love with back. She hated the person she had become but like me Heather felt the desire to want to save everyone and fix everything. When we all knew he wasn't going to change unless he admitted he had a problem and got help. That fight took over her life and my biggest regret is not fighting harder as her friend to give her the strength and motivation she needed to move on with her life without him. It's a thought that has plagued my mind all these years because I keep thinking maybe if I did she might still be here today by my side. I believe she's in a far better place then we can imagine now but I still can't help to think a whole bunch of " what ifs'" during the moments I'd do anything just to hear her voice, see her smile or feel the love that came with the friendship we shared. She always talked about how one day she hoped to do something where she can share her story and help other struggling single parents. Believing that was the reason why she accepted the difficult life she was living.

When I think about my own life and past struggles and where I am today I think back to all the long conversations we had on the importance of setting dreams and goals for yourself no matter what and how there is a reason why we're put through certain situations or events in our lives and that at the end it all works out somehow the way its' supposed to even if we have a hard time understanding why it ended up the way it did. But hopefully when that time comes the reason for past events will start to make sense and we'll understand why we went thru what we did. I believe Heather's purpose for touch my life the way she did was to help me develop into the person I am today. Everything I witnessed her go thru, all the lessons she taught me, the good times we shared and the true friendship she gave me opened up my eyes to a lot of things and forced me to dig deep into my inner soul which led me on such an inspiring spiritual journey that ended up with me finding my self worth and discovering my hidden talents and the confidence and motivation I needed to move forward with all my goals and dreams. Without Heather I don't think I would of been on the journey I am now. Which is why I am so deterimined to not only reach success to improve my life and my  family's life but to use my success to help others the way Heather helped me.

Since her passing life hasn't been easy, dealing with the anger, resentment, pain that has come with it but I'm hoping that somehow sharing my experiences and finding away to turn that anger, pain and resentment into something positve and building something to help other single parents that struggled or are struggling the way I have or the way Heather did would help me heal for the devastation of her loss. Finding a way to keep her memory alive and to honor the great person she was would help me move forward to build the life I've always wanted and hoped for. For I believe my life journey is a long one and that god has given me the gift of living a long life so I can create great things and help others. I can't change the past and I can't stop change from taking place but I can control what type of changes come into my life. I know in order to move on I have to let go of the pain and anger I feel revolving her death and the guilt of knowing that the pain I feel is 10x worse for her family and for those who knew her for alot longer that I have. So I'm moving forward with this project using Heather and all she's taught me as one of my biggest inspirations and I hope that she's looking down from heaven and seeing my accomplishments being proud of the person I have become and knowing she was part of that. I want her surviving son Noah to grow up knowing how special his mom was and how she not only touched the lives of her close family and friends because Heather came from a great family and I'm sure they'll make sure he grows up knowing all that but how her life here on earth had special purpose besides being a mother, daugther, sister, friend, cousin or sister-in-law. and that even after her death she's still alive in all our hearts and will continue to be so as I made a promise to Heather that someway somehow I was going to make sure the world knew about the special person she was.


Juggling being a single mom, trying to finish my novel and develop this television project my days are spent on phone calls, in front of the computer writing, networking, researching and working out at the gym! (Trying to get myself camera ready since word on the street is camara adds an extra ten pounds and we can't have that!!!! lol) I stay up late every night, sometimes until after 3am in the morning and wake up early and sometimes I wonder how I even manage to do all this with little sleep but believe that its' the inner strenghth of wanting all this to succeed more then anything in the world and knowing how much the success of this television project can help so many single parents out there and keeping Heather's memory alive is what keeps me going. I always knew that my life had a purpose other then being a daughter, mother and friend. My heart always told me that I was meant to do something big and even though when I was younger I struggled with the fact of feeling I had no talents and didn't understand why I felt such a big desire to do something big with my life when I had no big talent that was visible to me at the time but I know now that my talents where always there I just didn't have the confidence to do anything with it or the mental clarity to even notice it at the time because I was so caught up with the issues of in my life at that time that my mind wasn't open to receiving all the good things that god had to offer.

So now that I am where I am with my novel and development with this project series I understand why I was put through all the challenges, betrayals, hardships and tough life experiences in my life and the only regret I feel is questioning God as to why he was letting all these things happen and at some points even blaming him for giving me those experiences. There's a reason for everything I know that now and I'm sorry for every questioning his reasons behind it all.  It all made me who I am today and for that i am so grateful because for the first time in all my life I am proud of who I am and want to share my story with the world and hopefully inspire other single parents who feel alone and lost with the difficult life of being a single parent to use their own experience and turn it into something positive. There are countless of single parents out there who have found success, there are countless rags to riches stories out there that inspire you beyond imagination. Its those very stories that have helped me get thru some of the toughest times during the development of this project. I read somewhere a while ago that all those who have found success and accumulated a great amount of wealth and happiness when through a great deal of struggles, disappointment, sadness and hardship before they accomplished it all.

That its where they felt they were in the point of their life where they felt things couldn't get any worse that they got there big break and finally saw the fruits of their labor, neverending faith and dedication pay off. That these very same people did a whole lot of dreaming, hoping, desiring, wishing and planning before they found the success and saw their goals and dreams come to life. I actually wrote this statement out on a piece of paper and posted it by my mirror and read it every morning, night and a few times during the day and it has helped me tremendously. Because believe me there have been times where I've questioned my actions: whether I'd ever see my reality series ever come to life. whether I was crazy to think that this could happen to me, if someone out there would really believe in my project as much as I do and be willing to dedicate their own time to helping make my dreams come true.

But these stories have helped me keep my dreams alive and for that I am so grateful and hope that one day (hopefully soon!) I can be another success story added to that list and be the main inspiration to helping others accomplish those dreams. There are good people out there who would be willing to go out of their way to help you as there are people who try to play on your weaknesses and take advantage of you. Of course that means you'd have to be careful not to let those people in to your life but if you have the right amount of faith and knowledge and belief that your dreams are possible and that its' most likely your heart telling you what you should be doing with you life, believe me God and the Universe will bring all those great people into your life. I know because it happened to me.

When I started this project I had no idea how I was going to make it happen because I had no connections to the industry and didn't know the first thing about developing a television project. Really it took me a while to even move forward with this because I've had so many disappoints in my life that I didn't want to put myself thru another one. I lost my job unexpectedly, child support payments weren't comming in, and I was fighting my demons and trying to conquer my issues with self esteem and finding my self confidence and self worth again. (Another post will be dedicated to his topic soon). On top of that I've been dealing with my dad's deteriorating health issues and my mom worrying about $$ and how we'll make it if god forbid something happened to him.

Being the oldest of my sibblings, I've always felt like the nurturer and protector of my family always wanting to step in and make everything better especially for my family. It's a burden I feel responsible for because I don't think I'd have it any other way. I want to have the power to take care of my family financially and emotionally if god forbid something were to happen. I don't want my mom to have to worry about me, my brother or sister. I want to have the power to take care of it all because they took care of me when I needed them the most and no one else would help. And most importantly because my family is all I have and I don't know what I would do without them. We've always taken care of each other and I hope I can one day repay my parents for what they have done for them in a way that they can sit back and be proud of all the sacrafices they made and all the difficulties and challenges they themselves went thru to ensure my siblings and I had it all.

So even though today is a sad day for me because it marks another year that passed since the death of Heather, Angelina and Tubal Jr. I know in my heart that they are still with me today and that the friendship and bond Heather and I shared during the years I was blessed to of known her, is still as real today as it was when she was alive. That even as I sit her and write this she's sitting next to me reading every single word on this page and knowing how important she was to me and how much I cherished our friendship.

Thank you Heather for being my friend and accepting me for who I was.
Thank you for never judging me
Thank you for helping me become a better mother
Thank you for all the help and guidance you give me from Heaven
Thank you for the protection and love you send me
and thank you for comming into my life and blessing it the way you did.
I love you Heather, Angelina and Tubal Jr. and will live my life keeping all our good memories alive

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Launch of my Single Mom Reality Series...:)

Hi everyone!

I know I know it's been too long since I've posted. It's just that I've had so much going on lately with trying to finish up my novel and networking in the media industry trying to to get my reality series concept going. For all those on here who don't know yet, for the 8 months now I've been working on launching a reality series concept I created over a year ago on single moms. I won't be going into details yet on what's to come but promise as it gets closer to finally seeing my dreams become a reality that I will post all the juicy details here on my blog. I've met alot of wonderful and well connected people in the industry who have been so kind and willing to help me make my dreams come true and I am so grateful for that.

Being a single mom myself and enduring my own struggles financially and emotionally I know first hand how hard it is to raise a child or children on your own. Children are the world's biggest blessing and I love being a mom more then anything in the world but there's no denying on my part that its' also the hardest and most challenging job ever. But if I had the opportunity to change my past I wouldn't change one thing...even the bad things. Having my baby girl at 21 years old was the best thing to of ever happened to me and I wouldn't change that for one bit. Everything I have went thru the good and bad made me who I am today; a strong, motivated and determined to pursure my dreams and goals no matter how far fetched, crazy and unrealistic they may seem to those around me. Why?  Because to those dreams are real and the success that comes with it is what I deserve. It took me a long time to convince myself of this and an even longer time to believe I had a chance to make it all happen but it did and I've never felt better about my abilities and faith to make it happen in all my life.

Ever since I could remember I always dreamed of being a writer, creator, actress, singer and entrepreneur. Well in my child hood years my dream was to sing and act. But as I got older I realized my mind was way too creative to just settle with acting and singing. I knew in my heart that one day I wanted to do something big, create big things and use my succes to help others and make a difference. I always felt that I was meant to do something bigger then settling for a career working 9-5pm five days a week. But I lacked the confidence and motivation to do anything about it because those around me filled my mind with thoughts of: "Oh its' too late to start getting into that business now, your too old." "Oh you have to know people in the industry to get in and you don't know anyone." etc etc etc. The only thing I wish I could change is how long it took me to realize that its' never too late to follow your dreams. If only I knew then what I knew now who knows how far down the path of success I would of been by now.

But the past is the past and there is nothing that can be done to change it. All we can do is live in the present and ensure that my current actions reflect what I want in the future. I want success, wealth, happiness, long lasting friendships, abundance, peace, love and the power to make a difference in peoples lives. I know the struggles and hardships in my past were events that occurred for a reason. I now have the knowledge and experience to reach out to others like me and share my story and hopefully inspire them to better themselves and begin believing in their dreams. Being a single parent doesn't mean that the doors to all your dreams and goals should be closed and sealed for ever. There are countless of success stories out there of inspirational single parents who have made achievements beyond their wildest dreams. There are countelss rag to riches stories out there. I know because during my sleepless nights and bad days when I'm feeling a little down I'd just sit in front of my computer and read story after story as a way to pick myself up agian and give me the motivation and boost to continue having faith that someway somehow god and the universe will open up the doors for me and bring the right people into my life that will help make my dreams happen.

I've already had doors of opportunities open for me and they continue to do so each and every single day and I am so grateful that god has chosen this life for me. This reality series is going to be the start of my career. I believe in my idea and know that there is someone out there who is going to have the knowledge and power to help me launch this project. This reality series will not only be for entertainment but inspirational in more ways then one. I'm tired of struggling financially, I'm tried of careers that I'm not happy with, I'm tired of struggling financially, I'm struggling of watching others live their dreams when I also deserve to live mine. Which is why at 27 years old I am finally comming to terms with my past and am ready to start living the life I've always dreamed of living and deserve.

I'm really excited and hope that in the next few months I'll finally see all my hard work pay off. I am finishing my first novel up soon! yeahhhhh!!!! And I can't wait to show the world what I'm all about. My goals are to become a successful creator, writer, producer, entrepreneur, actress, singing artist and songwriter and published author. I am a big believer in the law of attraction and the power we all have to achieve all our dreams. If you can think and dream it....you can create it. :)

To all struggling single mothers out there. I'm doing all this for you guys because in this bad enconomy we all have to stick together.

JF