Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Proud Contributor to the National Silcon Valley Moms NJ Blog Group


For those of you who don't already know, I've been searching for a few freelance writing opportunities to start my portfolio. Now that I am almost done with my first fiction novel which I hope is complete before my reality show & single parent organization fully launches. So for the past few months, I've been a very proud contributor to the National Silicon Valley Moms NJ Group, networking and writing along side other well accomplished writers/blogger moms from all over the U.S about parenting and every day issues we just feel like talking about. It's been a great experience and one I'll always be grateful for because it was a community where I could finally write next to other moms who shared my same passion for writing.

Now I'm going to be honest with how intimidating it was at first to have my articles posted next to one written by a well-known journalist, magazine editor, published author & even a television news reporter/writer. Even though I've been writing for as long as I could remember, I'm yet to become a published author and am just now at 28-years old working towards the goals I've always felt so passionate about. Both music & writing have been the catalyst for helping me get through the most toughest moments in my life, and have always felt it was the best escape when my current reality got too hard to deal with.

A Single Mom's Fear of Opening Up to Love Again

Believe it or not, its' been over 7-years since I've been able to truly open my heart to true love again. In fact, I remember it being the month of May and exactly one month before Isabella was born, when I had made the emotional self-conscious decision that I was going to take a break from men to focus on motherhood and on "ME" for a while. I'm going to be really honest right now......Never and I mean NEVER did I think that very break I committed myself to all those years ago would last this long. Like many of my friends, I find myself wondering sometimes how I've been able to stay so sober all these years. I mean for someone who began dating at 15 years old and never being the type to stay single for too long. Its' no wonder I've spent the last few years, fighting off my girl friend's attempts to set me up with secret blind dates.

But when I really sit down and think about the events leading up to the decision to take a break from men, it becomes clear as day to me the reason why I've had such difficulty fully committing myself to a man who'd be willing to be with me knowing I had a child that wasn't his. Throughout the years I've casually dated and befriended men who I knew wanted more then just friendship. There was even one I thought would be the one who'd finally break this terrible cycle of mine--the one I finally felt the courage and faith to give my heart to. But as soon as fear started to set in of history repeating itself and the thoughts of the possibility of having to deal with the pain of being lied to and betrayed again went far too deep for me to bare. I'd shut myself down again and use any excuse in the book to push who ever it was out of my life.

I didn't talk about it much because most of my friends didn't seem to understand how deeply scarred I was when her father did the things he did. He did everything a man with no morals or respect would do. He cheated, lied and caused me the biggest embarrassment of my life.