Saturday, January 16, 2010

Update on Child Support and Custody

Hi everyone! So sorry for not logging in for a while. I've been so busy trying to get myself in shape for the taping of the reality series. You know what they say......the camera adds ten pounds and I want to look my best.  I've also been trying to finish my novel too so keeping busy busy busy! 

Anyway, I wanted to give everyone an update on the latest news of my child support and custody hearing. As you read in previous post, the judge postponed the hearing due to Anthony (or should I say sperm donor) not having the proper documentation to proceed. Our court hearing was rescheduled for Jan 4th which was a bummer because I wanted to put it all behind me and start the year off fresh. But anyway it is what it is and I just needed to except it and go with it.

So he basically went to court stating he only made $350 a week working full time as a CDL truck driver. How is that possible I don't know beats me. Even the judge found it hard to believe and began questioning it. I know the economy is bad but when you work as a truck driver with a CDL liscence you make pretty decent money working full time. It's hard to believe that he only makes that much.  I can't help to feel in the pitt of my stomache that he was lying about it all. He knew the odds of getting the child support lowered were slim so I can't help to feel like he schemed his way through this one somehow.

I found out later through my attorney that a lot of independent truck companies pay their truck drivers a steady weekly minimum pay with a check and the other half in cash to avoid having to put it on the books. Without any proof though the court can't do anything about it and in order to get that proof I'd have to hire a private investigator. I was so mad because I remember a few months before my good friend having the same thing happen to her.  The father of her son works as a barber and when they were together he made $1000 a week easily in tips! But when they went to court for child support he told the judge he made less than half that and of course his taxes would show that because he probably doesn't report all this earned tips to avoid paying much taxes. He got away with paying minimum child support and living his life freely. I remember thinking that would never happen to me.  When I found out he lost his job I remember thinking back to what my friend went through and saying....oh goodness I hope that doesn't happen to me! 

Well I must of spoken too soon because it did happen to me. Even though the judge seemed adament about believing that was all he made he had no choice but to base the support on what documentation he had.  When he came back with the verdict he said that when he calculated the support using the guidelines that the number came back to Zero!!!! But that since I was unemployed at the moment he didn't want to put me in that type of situation. I should of spoke up and said...well your honor...it's not like I've been getting any child support payments anyway!" but I kept quiet to hear what else he was going to say.  He basically said he was going to set the child support at the minimum of $66 a week plus $24 for arrears! I couldn't believe it......I started to feel numb from head to toe and felt as if the wind was knocked out of me. Not because the child support went from $176 a week to $66 a week but because he said that the guidelines showed the child support amount at ZERO!!!! And that if it would of been any other judge they would of went by that formula and set the amount at Zero because his income proof showed he was earning below low income!!!! That he was doing this because he felt bad and was considering the bad economy.

I couldn't believe it....whatever happened to the system protecting our children or the judge demanding he find another job or get a second one to supplement his income. I didn't need this judge to pitty and feel sorry for me enough to extend his ruling beyond the stupid child support guidelines. The very guidelines that would leave our daughter with nothing while he was free of his burden for child support. It makes me so mad that these men get away with it.  I know my daughter's sperm donor (its' what I'm going to call him for now on) isn't the only one getting away with it and it makes me so mad.  If us at mothers were living with below poverty income and couldn't find help we would have to do what we have to do to protect our children and put food on the table. Even if it meant working three or four jobs!  Why doesn't the same apply to all these bastards who get away with it all and go on living their lives free from this support burden. 

We're the ones at mothers who deserve the break and assistance because we are the ones who are their for our children: feeding them, bathing them, staying up all night with them when their sick and then getting up early and going to work, consoling them when their upset. We are the ones who put all our needs last and putting our children's first. We're the ones who sometimes put our dreams on hold to give the best to our child that we can give. How is it fair that these men get away with all this and end up being the ones with the break.

I knew he was lying up his ass!  I know he was making much more then he claimed he did. I also know he does other things on the side to bring in extra income. But in the court of the law it is all about having proof and without that your word is meaningless. I went into that court room expecting the child support to go down, it wasn't about the money for me because to be honest I've learned to live without it since he stopped paying. Its' what the judge ruled on and what he said afterwards that really bothered me. He and his wife just had twins so I now how expensive kids can be so I was willing to work with him on the support. I wanted it to be fair to both his twins and mine.


He told the judge that he called on Christmas day at my parents house  and left a message which was a lie because my parents happend to of changed the house number a week before and hadn't given out to anyone yet. So how could he of left a message??? And why didn't he call my cell phone if he wanted to get a hold of his daugther so bad. That's the number he used to reach me all the other few times he's called.  It just boggles my mind how they stand in a court room and under oath tell all these crazy lies.

The only good that came out of the court hearing was that the judge awared me sole primary residential and legal custody of our daughter since he found he didn't have enough of a relationship with our daugther to have legal rights. Now for all moms out there who have been through the family court system, know how hard it is for a judge to agree to award custodial parent legal custody.  Its' really hard to convince a judge to do that because if it's proven he's the father (we had a paternity test done five years ago) and he claims he wants to be in her life that judge won't take his legal rights away unless the father himself requests it. But in my case he did so that should show what kind of person that judge saw him being as a father. A DEAD BEAT ONE!!!!  So what I don't get is...if the judge was able to see all that and from what I saw..seemed to not believe he was being totally truthful about his income then why didn't he tell him to do what I have heard other judges in other jurisdictions do.....TO GET ANOTHER JOB OR A SECOND ONE!!!!!!

The worst part about it all was how he walked out that court room with the biggest smile on his face as if he just won the NJ lottery or something. He didn't care that he just lost his legal rights to our daughter, he didn't care that he lied and cheated our daughter out of what she deserved. All he cared about was himself and lightening his burden for financial support. As mad as I am about all this I believe in bad karma and that somewhere down the line he will pay for it somehow. Maybe in a different way but somehow he'll pay for his lies, cheating and betrayal and cold heart.

I would say his punishment is not having his daughter in his life but that is his doing and his own fault. I've always encouraged him to be there. For the past 6 years we've lived five minutes from each other and he never calls or tries to follow up with his visitaiton schedule. Our daughter is so beautiful, smart, funny and bright and anyone would be lucky to be a part of her life. I am so thankful each and every single day that she's safe and healthy. One day she's going to be someone big and important in this world and he's nto going to be a part of it and won't be able to take credit because he wasn't ever there. His only part in it all was donating a sperm!!!!

To be giving the title of "Father" its' being there for your child regardless of the situation between you and the mother. Supporting your child as best you can even during the toughest times when all you could buy her for christmas is a book and a board game. Being a father is sticking to your visitaiton schedule to the "T" because those are the precious moments you can have with your child and develop memories of a lifetime. To be a father is to try and build a friend ship with the mother of your child despite the past to set that good exxample for your child. A father makes it to some or all of your child's sports games, dance recitals and school functions. 

There are alot of good fathers' out there who are a part of their childs live despite their relationship with the mother.  These dead beat dads can learn a lot from them.  Too bad there aren't that many of them around.

Despite all that has happened, I still believe in faith and miracles and know that someday I'll find a good husband and loving father figure for my daughter.  And that man will be the one that will earn the title of "Father".

JF